Undo Motherhood

“In my mid-thirties, I was constantly asked by everyone, from family members to complete strangers, about when I was going to have a baby, even in a professional setting. At that time, I hadn’t quite made up my mind, and this constant pressure – affecting such a delicate and personal decision – infuriated me and made me want to understand what was behind it. As I began my research, I very quickly discovered that there is a B side to the story of motherhood which is rarely talked about, and as such, it does not receive almost any attention in the collective imagination. Therefore, I decided to challenge the dominant narrative and shed light on the ultimate taboo surrounding motherhood: a decision that – just like any other major decision in life – may be regretted. The project took me to seven countries, from Mexico to Singapore, several times over the past five years where I met these incredible women who had the courage to speak honestly about their lives.

All the women in the project are excellent mothers and love their children, and yet they hate the oppressive role of mothers that has robbed them of their own existence. They suffer through it in silence, feeling it to be the worst mistake they have made. Five years later and now as a mother myself, I can only echo the words of the American writer and 70s feminist Adrienne Rich. She said that as much as motherhood means a love-based bond with your child, it is at the same time a conservative oppressive ideology with its rigid codex of moral rules that prescribe how you must feel, think, and behave as a mother. In my opinion, it is a perfect invisible and often internalized mechanism to keep women under control in caregiving subservient roles. I think it is time to raise uncomfortable questions about motherhood. It is time to ask what we consider natural, to redefine the outdated collective image of the mother (and father), and – among other things – to challenge the traditional social order by promoting a factual co-responsibility among parents because gender inequality begins at home.

– Diana Karklin, Director